Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just googled if crying burns calories
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
