I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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