The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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