Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
