You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
