I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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