so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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