had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
