Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
