Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
