why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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