and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
