I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
