We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
