oh god the rape fog is back!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
