you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
