I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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