Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
