Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
