I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
