I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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