I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do herpes really smell.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
