hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
soo... how was my night?
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