I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
