Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
