im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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