Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
