So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
