i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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