I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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