STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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