I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
