I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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