i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Less talking, more tequila
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize