I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
