So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
