I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
