Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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