i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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