Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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