don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
