OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
