Do you still have your period?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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