she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
