are you so shy because you have an std?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
