i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
