i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
