Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
