I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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