yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
