I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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