Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
