I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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