saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize