...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
