I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize