I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
