someone get that fucking seahorse.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize