onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
should my penis look like a turkey
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
