Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
