i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize