Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
