a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
