Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
