Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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