The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
