when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
