Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
