I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
