So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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