Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
