Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
